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How Cynical Can You Get? (…about luurve)

Have at it! Luurve, any way you look at it, is funny. Here’s a collection of some of the driest wits wringing out one of life’s greatest yearnings.  Nothing like saying it as it is. Happy Valentine’s Day Y’all!

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“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.”Lucille Ball

“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”Ambrose Bierce

“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”Russell Brandcute-Valentines-day-wallpaper-hd-2016

“Today, folks should be all about love. Unless you’re old.”Stephen Colbert

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”Albert Einstein

“Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.”Jimmy Fallon

tumblr_m5tkcfQ6Dv1ryhmxno1_250“Valentine’s Day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like, ‘Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!” Greg Giraldo

“Valentine’s Day: The holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” Lewis Black

“Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.”Billie Holiday

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”Natasha Leggero

“Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.” Jay Lenolove smiley fingers lovers hearts fun 4059x2633 wallpaper_www.wallpapername.com_95

“The jewelry stores say, ‘Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,’ while wives tell you they love you with, ‘OK, but just because it’s Valentine’s Day.’”George Lopez

“I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” – Dorothy Parker

“Love is a grave mental disease”Plato

466c52c3785bd155fb1f0000adaf7cc9“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”Jules Renard

“There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments.”Chris Rock

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

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“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”Jerry Seinfeld

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.”Tracy Smith

“Every year, girls are like, ‘This is the year I get diamonds!’” And guys are like, ‘This is the year I get a blowjob!’ Everybody’s disappointed.” Aisha Tyler

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” Oscar Wilde
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